“That’s cute. Can you pick up peanuts with it?” “Nooooooh …. That can’t be my weight. It’s my telephone number !! I always start my diet on the same day….. Tomorrow After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and…
Category: Humor
Church Signs with a Sense of Humor 3
YOU MAY PARTY IN HELL BUT YOU WILL BE THE BARBQUE! IF YOU STILL BELIEVE THAT 200 MILLION PEOPLE ARE GOING TO FLY UP TO HEAVEN AND MEET JESUS WHY NOT BEAT THE TRAFFIC AND KILL YOURSELF RIGHT NOW? GOD’S LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL AS LONG AS YOU ARE OBEYING CHRIST. WRINKLED WITH BURDENS? COME TO…
Church Signs with a Sense of Humor 2
CHURCH PARKING TRESPASSERS WILL BE BAPTISED “WHO’S YOUR DADDY?” WHOEVER IS PRAYING FOR SNOW PLEASE STOP TO BE ALMOST SAVED IS TO BE TOTALLY LOST HOW DO WE MAKE HOLY WATER? WE BOIL THE HELL OUT OF IT! WHAT IS MISSING FROM CH CH U R EVERY DAY ABOVE GROUND IS A GOOD ONE…
Church Signs with a Sense of Humor
Adam blamed Eve Eve blamed the snake and the snake didn’t have a leg to stand on KEEP USING MY NAME IN VAIN I’LL MAKE RUSH HOUR LONGER -GOD THERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS THAT CAN’T BE ANSWERED BY GOOGLE HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS TEXT WHILE DRIVING IF YOU WANT TO MEET HIM THOU SHALL…
Bumper Stickers Seen on Military Bases iii
MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMBAT 1. You are not Superman. 2. Suppressive fires — won’t. 3. If it’s stupid but works, it isn’t stupid. 4. Don’t look conspicuous — it draws fire. 5. Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you. 6. When in doubt, empty the magazine. 7. Never share a fighting hole with…
Bumper Stickers Seen on Military Bases ii
“Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon” “It’s God’s Job to Forgive Bin Laden – It’s Our Job To Arrange The Meeting” “Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Vulgar Brawl” “One Shot, Twelve Kills – U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support ” “My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College”…
Bumper Stickers Seen on Military Bases
“When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine” “Marine Sniper – You can run, but you’ll just die tired!” “Machine Gunners – Accuracy By Volume” “Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything.” “U.S. Marines – Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club.” “U.S. Air Force – Travel Agents To Allah”…
Take a look at the ‘new’ 2013 Fuel Efficient Car
With gas prices on the rise…..get the 2013 fuel efficient car. No need to change the oil, and gas isn’t a problem either. All you need is the determination and desire to get wherever you need to go. Oh yeah, you’ll also need a really good pair of shoes with great traction. It also easily…
CURIOUS!!!
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals. We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese. However, less widely known is: Pride of lions a Murder of crows an Exaltation of doves and, presumably…
Brian Sullivan
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi and the cabbie said, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Brian.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Brian Sullivan. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen…
Betty White quotes (continued)
People have told me, “Betty, Facebook is a great way to get in touch with old friends.” At my age, if I want to get in touch with old friends, I need a Ouija board. Doctors say that a glass of wine a day can extend your life. Cheers. “I don’t care who anybody sleeps…
Betty White quotes
Betty White really knows what she’s talking about……. WISDOM —– from a WISE LADY!!! Why do people say “Grow some balls”? Balls are weak & sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina, those things take a pounding! Just saw the first Christmas commercial of the season. It really got me in the…
Pillsbury Dough Boy Dead!
Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife (Play Dough), three children (John Dough, Jane Dough and Dill Dough), plus they…
Thank You America!
Dear American Taxpayer, For only the second time in my adult life, I am not ashamed of my country. I want to thank the hard working American people for paying $242 thousand dollars for my vacation in Spain. My daughter Sasha, several long-time family friends, my personal staff and various guests had a wonderful time….
EMERGENCY ADVICE for men!!!
What to do if you have a four hour erection…… If you use medication for erectile dysfunction and have an erection lasting more than four hours immediately look at the picture below.
OMG!!!
Someone’s always thinking! Read the short paragraph below this great shirt. Bi-Partisan approved, available in all sizes. Get one while supplies last! I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 7 year-old grandson and I asked him, “What day is tomorrow?” He said, “It’s President’s Day!” He is a smart kid. I…
Panama City newspaper ad
This ad was placed in the Panama City News Herald on Feb. 5, 2012: I, William J. Flynn MD, and my 7 employees paid $236,118.00 in Federal taxes for fiscal year 2011. Although it seems like a lot of money, it would not even cover the expenses for 1 day of Michelle Obama’s recent $1,400,000.00…
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