Band Wanted

Guy Posts A Craigslist Ad Looking For A Band. It Got Removed Shortly Afterwards. LOOKING FOR A WEDDING BAND Terrible band needed for sham of a wedding. 11/6. No pay. As the musician in our family, my Shylock of a half-brother and his parsimonious fiance have passed off to me the job of finding a…

Does This AD Describe You?

Guy Posts A Craigslist Ad Looking For A Like-Minded Woman, And He Nailed It. I’m looking for and need an unstable woman for a drama filled relationship… Hi there, I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3 to 9 month relationship, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings. My name is…

20 genuinely awesome date ideas

20 Genuinely Awesome Date Ideas That Everyone Should Totally Try. Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing. Pretend you’ve never met, then loudly try out lame pickup lines in a swanky bar. Act like…

Actual Exchanges Between Pilots and Control Towers

TOWER: “TWA 2341, for noise reduction turn right 45 degrees.” TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?” TOWER: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?” ************************************************************ FROM AN UNKNOWN AIRCRAFT WAITING IN A VERY LONG TAKEOFF QUEUE: “I’m…

Gynecologist Quits to Become Mechanic

This Gynecologist Just Quit Medicine To Become A Mechanic. But What He Does In The Exam Shocks Everyone. A gynecologist had become fed up with the new ObamaCare restrictions, malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.…

man versus blimp

THIS MAN JUST WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR HIS DAUGHTER. BUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT ALMOST GAVE HIM A HEART ATTACK. Last night my wife was playing tennis and it was just my daughter and myself at home. I bought a small helium tank from a party store, and we put a blimp together. And…

gorilla dies of old age at zoo

SO A GORILLA DIES OF OLD AGE AT A ZOO… WHAT THIS ZOO DID NEXT IS GENIUS! So a gorilla dies of old age at a zoo, right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo, since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by…

“Cattle Guards”

Cattle Guards or Texas Gates as called by Texans….. YA GOTTA LAUGH TO KEEP FROM CRYING!!! These two, Obama and Biden, are morons and are an embarrassment to the USA! Can you believe it? Biden asks for 6 months of retraining for ‘Cattle Guards!’ You will love this one, I haven’t stopped laughing yet. NOTE:…

bad day at work

Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on off-shore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to a radio station who was sponsoring a “worst job…

If World War One Was A Bar Fight…

GERMANY, AUSTRIA and ITALY are standing together in the middle of a pub when SERBIA bumps into AUSTRIA and spills AUSTRIA‘s pint. AUSTRIA demands SERBIA buy it a whole new suit because of the new beer stains on its trouser leg. GERMANY expresses its support for AUSTRIA‘s point of view. BRITAIN recommends that everyone calm…

ever been foocked?

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England, Wales, and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The English woman said “Have you ever had a hug?” The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and…

missing wife

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing. Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home. Sergeant: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Color…