1.    “I might join you later.”
— Meaning: I’m not leaving the house today unless it’s on fire.

2.    “Excuse me, sorry, is anyone sitting here?”
— Translation: You have three seconds to move your bag before I end you.

3.    “Not to worry.”
— Translation: I will never forget this.

4.    Saying sorry as a way of introducing yourself.

5.    “Bit wet out there.”
— Translation: You’re going to need a snorkel because it’s absolutely pissing it down.

6.    Ending an email with “Thanks” as a warning that you’re perilously close to losing your temper.

7.    “Right then, I suppose I really should start thinking about possibly making a move.”
— Translation: “Bye.”

8.    “It’s fine.”
— Meaning: It really could not possibly get any worse, but no doubt it will do.

9.    “Perfect.”
— Translation: Well that’s that, ruined then.

10.   “A bit of a pickle.”
— Translation: A catastrophically bad situation with potentially fatal consequences.

11.   “Not too bad, actually”
— Translation: I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been.

12.   “Honestly, it doesn’t matter.”
— Meaning: Nothing has ever mattered more than this.

13.   “You’ve caught the sun.”
— Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

14.   “That’s certainly one way of looking at it.”
— Translation: That’s certainly the wrong way of looking at it.

15.   Saying, “I have the 5p if it helps?” and never being quite sure if it helps.

16.   “If you say so.”
— Translation: “I’m afraid that what you’re saying is the height of idiocy.”

17.   “With all due respect.”
— Translation: You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

18.   Saying “you’re welcome,” as quietly as possible, to people that don’t say thank you, but using it as a form of punishing them.

19.   Meanings of “I beg your pardon?”
1.  I didn’t hear you.
2.  I apologise (apologize).
3.  What you’re saying is making me absolutely livid.

20.   “It could be worse.”
— Translation: It couldn’t possibly be any worse.

21.   “Each to their own.”
— Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

22.   “Pop round anytime.”
— Translation: Please stay away from my house.

23.   “I’m just popping out for lunch, does anyone want anything?”
— Translation: I’m getting my own lunch now, please remain silent.

24.   Saying, “I might get some cash out actually,” despite approaching the cash machine and being 100% certain of getting cash.

25.   “No, no, honestly, my fault.”
— Translation: It was exceedingly your fault and we both know it.

26.   “No, yeah, that’s very interesting.”
— Meaning: You are boring me to death.

27.   “Just whenever you get a minute.”
— Translation: “Now! You silly cow!”

28.   “No harm done.”
— Translation: You have caused complete and utter chaos.

29.   “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
— Translation: I fully expect the situation to deteriorate rapidly.

30.   “Sorry, I think you might have dropped something.”
— Meaning: “You have definitely dropped that specific item.”