What they say: [What they mean:] Hooray! Father Christmas has been here! [FFS. It’s only 5am.] Would anyone like a drink? [I don’t care that it’s 8am, I need alcohol in my system NOW.] Oh, you really shouldn’t have! [No, you REALLY shouldn’t have!] I love it. Thank you! [I hope you kept the receipt.]…
Category: Seasonal
Christmas miracle granted
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The lettter read: “Dear…
Why It’s Impossible To Have A Christmas Party In 2014
December 1…To All employees I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas party will be held on December 23rd at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band will play traditional carols…feel free to sing-along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa…
man takes the 12 days of Christmas literally
December 25th Dearest John: I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes ***** December 26th Dearest John: Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves…. I’m…
Santa pick-up lines
“I’ll make you shake like a bowl full of jelly.” “When was the last time you did it in a sleigh?” “I put the ‘scroo’ in Scrooge.” “Ever make it with a fat guy, with a whip?” “I’ve got something you can hang a wreath on.” “One hour with me and you’ll see flyin’ reindeer!”…
the real reason there’s an angel on top of the Christmas tree
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular elves, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness…
angry Christmas letter to Santa
Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box with Call of Duty and an iPhone 6 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas, Timmy…
Holiday Humor…
A compilation of short holiday vids to tickle your funny bone. Winter is Here! Thanks Snow!!! The Italian Christmas Gift Under the Mistletoe Sexy Santa striptease signs that you may be shopping in Texas
an engineer’s perspective of Christmas
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census)…
I Am Still the Light!!!
Twas’ 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38, when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven’s gate. Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air. They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there. They were filled with such joy, they didn’t know what to say. They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that…
A Nativity Scene and shepherd
A Nativity Scene was erected in a church yard. During the night the folks came across this scene. An abandoned dog was looking for a comfortable, protected place to sleep. He chose baby Jesus as his comfort. No one had the heart to send him away so he was there all night. We should all have the good sense…
touching story…
THIS IS A VERY TOUCHING STORY, VERY HARD TO READ, ABOUT TWO BROTHERS WHO WERE SEPARATED AT BIRTH. IT’S A STORY OF LIFE & DEATH, AND THE CRUEL TWIST OF FATE. IT’S CERTAIN TO STIR YOUR HEART AND TOUCH YOUR SOUL. THIS EMAIL IS ONE I COULD NOT ERASE BEFORE SHARING. HAPPY EASTER!
NEW American Christmas Tradition
NEW TRADITION, Just like an old fashioned CHRISTMAS (when money was scarce, like NOW)!! We can give and help out our economy. I LOVE IT!!! Christmas 2011 — Birth of a New Tradition As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced…
Canadian Christmas Joke…
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.” The man from British Columbia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on….
A Touching Christmas Story…
A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon. Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had “disappeared”. The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: “Where the hell are you?” Husband: “Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally…
Christmas Lights….
I love CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. They remind me of illegal immigrants. They all hang together, half of the f.ck.rs don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright.
Onions and Christmas Trees!
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?’ The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs.’ ‘In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but…
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