SEE, THE PROBLEM IS THAT GOD GIVES [GAVE] MEN A BRAIN AND A PENIS, AND ONLY ENOUGH BLOOD TO RUN ONE AT A TIME.

What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He’s like ‘We have to get rid of dictators,’ but he’s pretty much one himself.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.

Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

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