Does This AD Describe You?

Guy Posts A Craigslist Ad Looking For A Like-Minded Woman, And He Nailed It.

I’m looking for and need an unstable woman for a drama filled relationship…

Hi there,

I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3 to 9 month relationship, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.

My name is Lloyd, I live in Chicago, I’m 27 years old and fairly well educated. I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told I’m fairly good looking, but I’ll let you be the judge of that – I’m generally caring and very honest.

I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion – but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection as well as abandonment issues will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party – or if we’re lucky – both.

You should:

  • be 20 to 35 years old;
  • have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;
  • enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex;
  • have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and
  • be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.

Although not completely necessary, I would prefer women:

  • with nice smiles;
  • that have larger than average breasts;
  • who are married or already in unstable relationships;
  • that drink to forget; and
  • who have had a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder – or who are currently taking Lithium carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants.

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I’m getting excited just writing them!), please don’t hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.

All the best, Lloyd

P.S. This advert is in recognition of the big neon sign on my forehead that everyone else can see except me.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s