“That’s cute. Can you pick up peanuts with it?”
“Nooooooh …. That can’t be my weight. It’s my telephone number !!
I always start my diet on the same day….. Tomorrow
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
“I don’t like to be the one to have to tell you this Sadie, but there’s a rumour going around that your husband Max is chasing women. And him over 80!”
“Yeah! So he’s 82, so what? Let him chase girls. Dogs chase cars but when they catch one, can they drive it?!”
Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.
You know you’re over the hill when the only whistles you get are from the tea kettle.