At this stage in my life, an “all nighter” just means I didn’t have to get up to pee. OMG, I’m rich! Silver in the hair, Gold in the teeth, Crystals in the kidney, Sugar in the blood, Lead in the butt, Iron in the arteries, and an inexhaustible supply of natural gas! I never…

An elderly couple were taking a stroll when a bird flies past and relieves himself on the womans’ head. ~ “Yech!” cries the woman. “Quick get some toilet tissue.” “What for?” the man asks. “He must be half-a-mile away by now.” My granddaughter asked me what it was like to be old. So I told…

“That’s cute. Can you pick up peanuts with it?” “Nooooooh …. That can’t be my weight. It’s my telephone number !! I always start my diet on the same day….. Tomorrow After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and…