I don’t think our kids know what an apron is. The principle use of Grandma’s apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a few. It was also because it was easier to wash aprons than dresses, plus aprons used less material. But along with that, it served as a potholder for…
What British People Say vs What They Mean At Christmas
What they say: [What they mean:] Hooray! Father Christmas has been here! [FFS. It’s only 5am.] Would anyone like a drink? [I don’t care that it’s 8am, I need alcohol in my system NOW.] Oh, you really shouldn’t have! [No, you REALLY shouldn’t have!] I love it. Thank you! [I hope you kept the receipt.]…
Christmas miracle granted
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The lettter read: “Dear…
Why It’s Impossible To Have A Christmas Party In 2014
December 1…To All employees I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas party will be held on December 23rd at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band will play traditional carols…feel free to sing-along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa…
man takes the 12 days of Christmas literally
December 25th Dearest John: I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes ***** December 26th Dearest John: Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves…. I’m…
Santa pick-up lines
“I’ll make you shake like a bowl full of jelly.” “When was the last time you did it in a sleigh?” “I put the ‘scroo’ in Scrooge.” “Ever make it with a fat guy, with a whip?” “I’ve got something you can hang a wreath on.” “One hour with me and you’ll see flyin’ reindeer!”…
the real reason there’s an angel on top of the Christmas tree
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular elves, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness…
angry Christmas letter to Santa
Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box with Call of Duty and an iPhone 6 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas, Timmy…
Holiday Humor…
A compilation of short holiday vids to tickle your funny bone. Winter is Here! Thanks Snow!!! The Italian Christmas Gift Under the Mistletoe Sexy Santa striptease signs that you may be shopping in Texas
an engineer’s perspective of Christmas
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census)…
Good to Know Before the Christmas Holidays
My friends this is something we all need to know….. The American Red Cross: President and CEO Marsha J. Evans’ salary for the year was $651,957 plus expenses MARCH OF DIMES: It is called the March of Dimes because only a dime for…
Classic Movies Redone…
The Treasure of Sierra Madre “Birth certificates? We don’t need no stinkin’ birth certificates!” The Wizard of Oz “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Chicago anymore.” Gone With The Wind “Frankly America I don’t give a damn.” Bonnie & Clyde “We nationalize banks.” The Godfather “I’m gonna make them a bailout offer they can’t refuse.”…
COLORED BOOBS
Black woman with one white boob and one black boob. This is so bad I had to post it for those certain individuals whom I think can handle it . I HOPE you can take it!!! Unbelievable! Photo of a woman with two different colored boobs! I knew you’d love it! …
welfare recipients…
Now, don’t tell me that welfare recipients aren’t innovative! No reason to stand on your feet waiting for the counter to open up to get your check. Just put your flip-flops next in line and go back, sit on your butt and play games on your iPhone.
10 SEX FACTS
10 SEX FACTS: 1. Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds. 2. Every day, there are over 120 million sexual encounters taking place all over the world. 3. There are men in Guam whose job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex…
Do you know about the human body?
When the fertilized egg in the womb begins to multiply it’s cells, it forms a ball of cells called (blastula), which then folds in on itself to become a gastrula. there’s an opening at one end, and that begins to pinch together and close up, forming your very first body part — your anus. So,…
are you absolutely sure?
Why beer is better than a woman… 1. Beer is always wet. 2. Frigid beer is good beer. 3. Beer never gets a headache. 4. Beer always goes down easily. 5. You can share a beer with all your friends. 6. You don’t have to wine and dine beer. 7. You can enjoy beer every…
Wales
I was in a pub last night and saw three “women of size” (as PC now requires us to say) by the bar. They both spoke with a brogue accent, and making assumptions about their origins I asked, “Hello, are you ladies from IRELAND?” One of them angrily screamed, “It’s WALES you fu****g idiot, Wales!”…
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