This real arsehole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said,
“Is that Corona or Blue?”
“There’s a fucking tap underneath, taste it.”
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
“If you lost a few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut, you’d look all right.”
“If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there.”
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said to her,
The girl giggled and said with a smile,
“Do you really think so?”
“Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now.”
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling their tits.
“Go on then…try.”
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
“Come on, what day was I born?”
“Jesus loves you.”
A nice gesture in church but a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
I got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.
Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple of nice cold beers.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about the age old question:
“Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?”
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby;
And here is the reason for my conclusion
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,
“It might be nice to have another child.”
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say,
“You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”
I rest my case.
Wipe that grin off your face and make somebody else’s day…