I recently asked my friends’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there. So I asked her, “If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?” She replied,…
Category: Humor
Rules for Online Dating!!!
Rule #1 Always ask for a photo. Rule # 2 Always ask for more than one photo. THIS CONCLUDES YOUR TRAINING FOR TODAY…THANK YOU!
SEAHAWKS Football Tickets for SALE!!!
Regrettably I am going to have to sell my Seahawk season football tickets this year. My wife does not like the person that sits beside her. These tickets will be sold to the highest bidder. I have attached a picture of the view from these great seats. I am going to miss going to the…
The 11th Husband of a Virgin
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a Virgin“. “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to…
the cow, the ant & the old fart…
A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them. The cow said, “I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!” The ant said, “I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my…
the definition of insanity…
“FATHOM THE HYPOCRISY OF A GOVERNMENT THAT REQUIRES EVERY CITIZEN TO PROVE THEY ARE INSURED ….. BUT NOT EVERYONE MUST PROVE THEY ARE A CITIZEN.” “AND NOW, ANY OF THOSE WHO REFUSE, OR ARE UNABLE TO PROVE THEY ARE CITIZENS WILL RECEIVE FREE INSURANCE PAID FOR BY THOSE WHO ARE FORCED TO BUY INSURANCE BECAUSE…
The Economy Is Affecting A Lot Of Things!
HERE’S A NEW SIGN FOR YOUR FRONT DOOR!!! DUE TO THE PRICE INCREASE ON AMMO —— DO NOT EXPECT A WARNING SHOT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING HOPE THIS HELPS DURING TIMES OF DIFFICULTY!!
The Farmer’s Donkey
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his…
Forget About Chick-fil-A
Forget about Chick-fil-A and the cows telling you to eat more chicken! For your safety, eat more pork! l bet a cup of coffee you already know who you will pass this on to because it is just too good not to.
Doggy!
Very curious, She named him Dick! My sausage dog is actually a penis dog.
De Walt Nail Gun
A must have in every home in America! For everyone who would rather not have a gun in the house! In view of the recent Supreme Court ruling, sales of this new product may skyrocket. Washington thinks they are going to take away our guns, so check this out. I like it! NAIL GUNS! And,…
Deer Season…
Deer season will be here before we know it. So I thought I’d better send out a reminder about what a Whitetail looks like! No need to thank me. It’s just kinda like a public service.
Friendship Only Goes So Far!!!
Friendship is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it can go too far……as seen below. ENJOY! “FETCH ‘EM YOURSELF…..THEY’RE YOUR TEETH!
Garfield on the Oil Crisis
YOU GOTTA LOVE GARFIELD ‘S EXPLANATION — TOO CUTE AND, ALSO, TOO TRUE!!! A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there’s a very simple answer: Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn’t know we were getting low. The reason for that is…
Craft Day at the Senior Center…
This photo was taken in a Senior Center in Plymouth, Michigan . The course was “How to Prevent Alzheimer’s.” The Project of the Day was, “To keep your mind working, try to create something from memory.” It brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?
Couldn’t Resist this One!!!
A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says “Congratulations, your wife has had quints, 5 big baby boys.” The Redneck says, “I’m not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney.” The nurse replies, “You might want to consider…
Cartoons About MATURING!!! 3
At this stage in my life, an “all nighter” just means I didn’t have to get up to pee. OMG, I’m rich! Silver in the hair, Gold in the teeth, Crystals in the kidney, Sugar in the blood, Lead in the butt, Iron in the arteries, and an inexhaustible supply of natural gas! I never…
Cartoons About MATURING!!! 2
An elderly couple were taking a stroll when a bird flies past and relieves himself on the womans’ head. ~ “Yech!” cries the woman. “Quick get some toilet tissue.” “What for?” the man asks. “He must be half-a-mile away by now.” My granddaughter asked me what it was like to be old. So I told…
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