one liners — JOKES

  • At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point. The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa! Who knew?                              One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.
  • There’s a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I’ve been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
  • You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

  • A buddy of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”
  • Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next thing I know 4,000 Muslims have added me as a friend!
  • Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.” To which she replied, “No, it’s regular porn, you sick bastard.”
  • The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

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