What in the world do you do ALL day?!?!?

A man came home from work and found his 5 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around the garden. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog anywhere…

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.…

ATTENTION: Husband Down Aisle 5!!!

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. “What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife. “They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies. “Put them back, we can’t afford them,” demands the wife, and so…

Blow-Dryer Mishap

A good lesson for all… Bob’s wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing? Apparently, “heating up your breakfast” was not the right answer!

SEAHAWKS Football Tickets for SALE!!!

Regrettably I am going to have to sell my Seahawk season football tickets this year. My wife does not like the person that sits beside her. These tickets will be sold to the highest bidder. I have attached a picture of the view from these great seats. I am going to miss going to the…

Couldn’t Resist this One!!!

A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says “Congratulations, your wife has had quints, 5 big baby boys.” The Redneck says, “I’m not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney.” The nurse replies, “You might want to consider…

Out at 2 A.M.

A Police STOP at 2 A.M. An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 A.M. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as…

Chinese Sick Leave…

Ho Chow calls into work and says, “I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.” The boss says, “You know something, Wong Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give…

Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a TEXAN?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the…

A Hunting Story…

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up… The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?’ The doctor considered…

A Beautiful Parable.

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said “I don’t think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat.” “Is the man of the house home?” they…

retired husband….

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local…

remember your glasses…..

Yesterday, my wife asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time. She suggested I go to the VFW and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said “Are you nuts? You’re over 60 years…

Keep this in mind……

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip… In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?” “Wait a moment,”…

Italian Women…

An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian woman walking a dog on a…