MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER ASKED ME IF SHE COULD GET A NOSE RING? SO I BOUGHT HER ONE!
Tag: laughing
photoshop-six months later…
GET THE BODY YOU DESERVE IN 6 MONTHS… BECAUSE 6 MONTHS IS THE TIME REQUIRED TO LEARN ‘PHOTOSHOP’! THE POWER OF PHOTOSHOP: SEEMS LEGIT TO ME PHOTOSHOP: What a little photoshop can fix FAIL: WHEN YOUR MUSCLES RUIN YOUR FURNITURE
The Tortoise and The Hare…
This is the classic tale of the tortoise and the hare and their famous race. “First one home wins.” “Deal.” “FUCK!” MORAL: Being the fastest doesn’t mean you win the race!
There IS an advantage…
THE ADVANTAGE TO BEING A MUSLIM? … WHEN YOU SWITCH GIRL FRIENDS YOU CAN KEEP THE SAME PICTURE ON YOUR DESK! Wife #1; Wife #2; Wife #3 & Wife #4 all say: We’re All treated Equally Under Islamic Law An advantage of being an ex-Muslim middle-Eastener living in North America, is that i can openly…
remember your glasses…..
Yesterday, my wife asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time. She suggested I go to the VFW and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said “Are you nuts? You’re over 60 years…
Pray for Leroy….
The preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.” With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, “Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?” Leroy replied, “Preacher, I need you to…
police interviews…..
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?” The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down,…
A Cup of Tea…..
ONLY A GRANDMOTHER WOULD KNOW… ~A Cup of Tea ~ One day my Gramma was out, and my Grampa was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys. Grampa was in the living…
Old Guys…
I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend: “That’s us in 10 years.” He said, “That’s a mirror, dip-stick!”
nutter’s day…
Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst. But a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you having a go at it. Today is International Nutters Day. Please send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just as I’ve done. I don’t care…
NOW this is “really” funny…..
The wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. She became more and more annoyed and finally said: “For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!”
Irish Humor……
Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them stupid bastards because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.” Paddy says to Mick – “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going…
Beautiful Text…..
My wife being the romantic sort, just sent me a text…………. “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” I…
Ahhh – memories!…
I’m older than dirt! Someone asked the other day, ‘What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?’ ‘We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,’ I informed him. ‘All the food was slow.’ ‘C’mon, seriously. Where did you eat?’ ‘It was a place called ‘at home!’ I explained. ‘Mum cooked…
one liners — JOKES
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point. The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa! Who knew?                          One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells….
Brighten your day!!!
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that ….. 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. *** Man calls the police and says “I think my wife is dead!” The operator says, “How do you know?” He says “The sex is the same but…
Senior citizen texting codes…
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for an STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts, these are the codes for you. Please pass this on to your children and grandchildren so they can understand your texts. ATD —————————————————————————————————————————– At The Doctors ATDO —————————————————————————————————————–…
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