Not cell phones…. Not the radio……… Not the GPS monitor…… Not talking…………. Not texting………….. Not watching a car video…… Not changing a CD……. The most frequent causes of accidents in the USA are caused by: Yep !!!…. You guessed it !!!…. Inappropriate footwear !!!!….
Tag: laugh
Have A Good Day!
Oh my!!!..So you think you’re having a bad day?……. Then you step outside of your house…….. and look up into the beautiful blue sky….. and see this!!!!! All of a sudden, that smile comes back to your face and you say to yourself “Now that’s a big ass balloon!!!!!” and things don’t seem quite so bad!!!!!! HAVE…
American Flag
Here is the most brilliant statement ever made without a word being said!!!!! This American born, Veteran of the United States Army, law abiding, taxpaying citizen was told by his Homeowners Association that he – Could Not fly the American Flag in his yard…… This is his response: Is this not one of the biggest…
A Southern Resimay & My Rezimay
A Southern Resimay…. To hoom it Mae consern, I waunt to appliey for the job what I saw in the paper. I can Type reale quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting… I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond…
A Very Short Bedtime Story!!
It’s going to be one of those nights…..isn’t it? THE END
Once Upon a Time…..
This story will give you chills. Read in its entirety. Once upon a time I was invited to the White House for a private dinner with the President. I am a respected businessman, with a factory that produces memory chips for computers and portable electronics. There was some talk that my industry was being scrutinized…
2 Coffees….
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barrack Obama meets a man with a beard. ‘Are you Mohammed?’ he asks. ‘No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.’ Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds. Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder…
all dem “chillun”…
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “are they all yours?” “Yep, they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.’ She says, “sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats. “Well,” says the social worker,…
Dependents….
If you haven’t had your taxes done yet, you might want to try this….. The IRS sent my Tax Return back! I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?” I replied – “12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployable people on food stamps; 2 million…
Chinese Sick Leave…
Ho Chow calls into work and says, “I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.” The boss says, “You know something, Wong Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give…
Catching Pigs…
There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the Prof noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was…
Camel!!!
Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. The first lady asked, “What’s that?” “A condom,” the other lady responded. “This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”…
Beer & Taxes — A Comparison!
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for a beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1.00 The sixth would pay…
Where’s Walter?
Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name. “Walter,” responds the little boy. “And what is your question, Walter?” “I have four questions:” “First, why did the USA bomb Libya without the…
Spelling Bee Champion…
My name be Eboneesha Hernandez, a African-Hispanic-American Girl who jus got a award for bein the bess speler in class. I gots a 67% on the spelin text and 30 points for being black, 5 points for not bringin drugs to class, 5 points for not bringin guns to class, and 5 points for not…
Paraprosdokian:
Paraprosdokian: Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation. ‘Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,’ is a type of paraprosdokian. * I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So…
Mexican Words of the Day…
1. *Cheese* The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: “Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.” 2. *Mushroom* When all my family get in the car there’s not mushroom. 3. *Shoulder* My fren wants 2 become a citizen, but che didn’t know how to read, so I shoulder. 4….
Living Will Form
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills. If…
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