ATTENTION: Husband Down Aisle 5!!!

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. “What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife. “They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies. “Put them back, we can’t afford them,” demands the wife, and so…

Do You Want to be a Mermaid or a Whale?

I didn’t write this but absolutely love what this woman wrote. So well done! Please read; it’s quite enjoyable and please feel free to share. ♥ A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was “This summer, do you want to…

Love Story #161

A woman comes home and finds her husband in bed with a female midget. Furious, she screams, “You promised you wouldn’t cheat again….!” The husband replies, “For Pete’s sake, can’t you see I’m trying to cut down?”

No Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken…

The 11th Husband of a Virgin

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a Virgin“.  “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to…

A Hunting Story…

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up… The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?’ The doctor considered…

A Beautiful Parable.

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said “I don’t think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat.” “Is the man of the house home?” they…

retired husband….

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local…

remember your glasses…..

Yesterday, my wife asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time. She suggested I go to the VFW and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said “Are you nuts? You’re over 60 years…

Italian Women…

An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian woman walking a dog on a…

Irish Humor……

Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them stupid bastards because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.” Paddy says to Mick – “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going…

Husband, Wife & a Convict…

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of…

Beautiful Text…..

My wife being the romantic sort, just sent me a text…………. “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” I…

Golf Joke…..

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see…

ABCDEFGHIJK…

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while … Then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.” She asks … “What does that mean?” He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.” She smiled…