A few days ago my best friend from high school sent me a ‘Viet Nam Veteran’ cap. I never had one of these before, and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend was considerate enough to take the time to give it to me. Yesterday, I wore it when I went to…
Tag: humorous
Golf Joke…..
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see…
Brainwashed….
IF YOU’RE BRAINWASHED AND YOU KNOW IT. CLAP YOUR HANDS. [that is if Obama has brainwashed you]
Blockage…
Obama blocked the Keystone pipeline which would create 30,000 + jobs and stimulus to hundreds of local businesses. Since Obama is anti business, a socialist who believes the government knows best and must control the means of production, he feels that the only way to stimulate the economy and win reelection in November is to…
Blonde in Church…..
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, ‘Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to…
baby names…..
Mary was pregnant when she was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she woke up and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically she asked the doctor about her baby. The doctor replied, “You had twins, a boy and a…
The Agony of Hearing Loss…
After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my hearing impaired friend. He was busy painting his penis with a black marker. I said to him, “You idiot! You’re supposed to turn your clock back!” (November 6th this year – monitor your hearing impaired male friends.)
An Inspirational Golf Story…
Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament. At first I said, “Naaahhh! I already play 3 times a week.” Then they said to me “Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind kids.” Then I thought… Shit, I could win this thing!!!
3 old golfers….
Your daily laugh! Three golfers are walking down the fairway. “Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60 year old, “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.” “Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70 year old. “When you’re 70, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran,…
$280,000 MORTGAGE
THIS WAS VOTED THE BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2010 For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, ‘Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.’ The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with…
one liners — JOKES
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point. The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa! Who knew? One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells….
Brighten your day!!!
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that ….. 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. *** Man calls the police and says “I think my wife is dead!” The operator says, “How do you know?” He says “The sex is the same but…
Oops!
LIFE AFTER DEATH “DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?” THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES. “YES, SIR,” THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED. “WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE,” THE BOSS WENT ON. “AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU! ***************************************************** PALM SUNDAY …
Square Testicles!!!
This is a joke that is supposed to bring you luck. An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money….
That Awkward Moment…..
Look well at the pictures before you read the captions at the bottom of each! It’s that awkward moment… …when you realize that your friend’s fat arm makes you look naked in the office party photo! …when you’re friend’s arm looks like your ass! …when you build a bridge and there are hundreds of dicks…
COP HUMOR…..3
COP PULLS ME OVER, SAYS “YOUR EYES LOOK RED, YOU BEEN SMOKIN’ WEED?” I REPLIED “YOUR EYES LOOK GLAZED, YOU BEEN EATING DOUGHNUTS?” I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE THEM PULLING OVER THE SPEEDERS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD A COP WITH A DRUG SNIFFING DOG SAYS TO ME “THIS DOG TELLS ME YOU’RE ON DRUGS” I SAID…
COP HUMOR…..2
POLICE? FIRE DUDE? POLICE DOGS: ALWAYS READY TO GO AND ALWAYS LOOKING THE PART 🙂 WHAT WEED? I HAVEN’T SEEN ANY WEED AND A COUPLE MORE… “I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT DESK DUTY FOR ‘EXCESSIVE USE OF FORCE’ …..AGAIN! BUT, ‘DANG’, THAT BAD GUY JUST TASTED SOOOO GOOD!” A COP PULLED ME OVER AND SAID,…
COP HUMOR…..
IT WAS THAT MOMENT HE DECIDED TO BECOME A COP BAD COP & GOOD COP BICYCLE COPS…..FASTER THAN A CORVETTE WHASSUP, GEORGE? BOMB SQUAD GUY JUST SAID “OOOPS!” “I’M STARTING TO REALLY LIKE THE SMELL OF COCAINE.” DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHY I PULLED YOU OVER TODAY? K9 UNIT “YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU…
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