The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he…
Tag: funny
Chili Cook-off…
Read slowly. If you pay attention to the comments from the first two judges, the reactions/comments of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in New Mexico, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a…
A Pastor Goes to the Dentist
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sabbath after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sabbath, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sabbath, he talks for two hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get…
Are You Serious? 2
[9.] I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”…
Are You Serious?
I hope that these are jokes, but unfortunately, I seriously doubt it! The really, REALLY scary thing is that some are elected representatives and –eeeeewwww– WE put them in office. A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of ‘why’ our country is in trouble: [1.] I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask…
The 6 Truths of Life….
1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue. 2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it. 3. The first truth is a lie. 4. You’re smiling now because you’re an idiot 5. You soon will forward this to another idiot. 6. There’s still a stupid smile on your face. Sorry…
Mandlebrot Fractals
MANDELBROT FRACTALS For when dividing by zero just isn’t trippy enough. ‘Fractal’ mathematician Benoit Mandelbrot dies aged 85 17 October 2010 | BBC News Europe Benoit Mandelbrot, who discovered mathematical shapes known as fractals, has died of cancer at the age of 85. Mandelbrot, who had joint French and US nationality, developed fractals as a…
photos of irony…III
EVENINGS AT 7 IN THE PARRISH HALL MON ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS TUE ABUSED SPOUSES WED EATING DISORDERS THU SAY NO TO DRUGS FRI TEEN SUICIDE WATCH SAT SOUP KITCHEN SUNDAY SERMON 9 A.M. “AMERICA’S JOYOUS FUTURE” Psychic Fair Cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE: FISH OF THE DAY BEEF ILLITERATE? WRITE FOR FREE HELP. ILLITERACY…
photos of irony…II
NO SMOKING ON THESE PREMISES LANE CLOSED TO EASE CONGESTION Phone out of service? Give us a call. PACIFIC BELL African American Museum —–> <—– Sedgwick County Jail |1| |2| |3|
photos of irony…
ALWAYS OPEN CLOSED Health Bar & Eatery Fudge Factory |1| |2| |3|
rough times!
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him. GOVT AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them. RANCHER: Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for…
what a Ferrari can do…
Ask the man who owns one! A question that is often asked of someone with a new car is “what will it do?” The answer is usually something like “zero to 60 in 5.3 seconds,” or something along those lines. Well, here’s the brand new 2011 Ferrari “458 Italia.” First, here’s what it looks like:…
Who’s minding the store? 2
*ANAL FANTASY We All Sin* Together WINNIE THE POOH & TIGGER INSIDE & OUT butt***** closure Didn’t I F*** You Yesterday? |1| |2|
Who’s minding the store?
Little Ho*** on the Prairie *urine EAR Drops COOKING **** YOUR DOG Tasty, healthy and safe recipes POO* PARADISE P**’enis BE*GAY |1| |2|
The ravaging effects of alcohol…
…after too many margaritas! …after 7 rum and cokes! …after 6 beers! …after 3 martinis! …after 3 kamikazes! …after 2 glasses of wine! …after 2 bottles of wine, (shared of course)! …after 1 large purple haze! …after 1 bottle of tequila! [featured image: Zhora – chimpanzee at a Russian zoo – is an alcoholic and…
Got a new dog…
We got a new guard dog to guard my house. He was a little more than I thought I should pay. But, I think when word gets out, we’ll be a relatively crime-free neighborhood. The nice part is he is only a year old and already fully trained. For your safety, you might want to…
Man’s Survival Guide (continued)
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner. Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner. Third Date: You get to pay her rent. Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you. First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and…
Man’s Survival Guide
This could be used as an excellent educational tool. Let’s call it a “Man’s Survival Guide“ First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit. Third date: You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary…
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