1. IF YOU’RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF. 2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP. 3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY…
Category: Humor
Achievable Diet Plan
ACHIEVABLE DIET PLAN…(for those of us who really need it, myself included)! Breakfast 1 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 1 cup skim milk Lunch 1 small portion lean, steamed chicken 1 cup spinach 1 cup herbal tea 1 Hershey’s kiss Afternoon Tea The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag 1 tub of…
The 6 Truths of Life….
1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue. 2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it. 3. The first truth is a lie. 4. You’re smiling now because you’re an idiot 5. You soon will forward this to another idiot. 6. There’s still a stupid smile on your face. Sorry…
Bill Cosby – “I’m 83 and Tired”
I’ve worked hard since I was 17. Except for when I was doing my National Service, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn’t call in sick in nearly 40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn’t inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy,…
Mandlebrot Fractals
MANDELBROT FRACTALS For when dividing by zero just isn’t trippy enough. ‘Fractal’ mathematician Benoit Mandelbrot dies aged 85 17 October 2010 | BBC News Europe Benoit Mandelbrot, who discovered mathematical shapes known as fractals, has died of cancer at the age of 85. Mandelbrot, who had joint French and US nationality, developed fractals as a…
photos of irony…III
EVENINGS AT 7 IN THE PARRISH HALL MON ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS TUE ABUSED SPOUSES WED EATING DISORDERS THU SAY NO TO DRUGS FRI TEEN SUICIDE WATCH SAT SOUP KITCHEN SUNDAY SERMON 9 A.M. “AMERICA’S JOYOUS FUTURE” Psychic Fair Cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE: FISH OF THE DAY BEEF ILLITERATE? WRITE FOR FREE HELP. ILLITERACY…
photos of irony…II
NO SMOKING ON THESE PREMISES LANE CLOSED TO EASE CONGESTION Phone out of service? Give us a call. PACIFIC BELL African American Museum —–> <—– Sedgwick County Jail |1| |2| |3|
photos of irony…
ALWAYS OPEN CLOSED Health Bar & Eatery Fudge Factory |1| |2| |3|
rough times!
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him. GOVT AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them. RANCHER: Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for…
what a Ferrari can do…
Ask the man who owns one! A question that is often asked of someone with a new car is “what will it do?” The answer is usually something like “zero to 60 in 5.3 seconds,” or something along those lines. Well, here’s the brand new 2011 Ferrari “458 Italia.” First, here’s what it looks like:…
Who’s minding the store? 2
*ANAL FANTASY We All Sin* Together WINNIE THE POOH & TIGGER INSIDE & OUT butt***** closure Didn’t I F*** You Yesterday? |1| |2|
Who’s minding the store?
Little Ho*** on the Prairie *urine EAR Drops COOKING **** YOUR DOG Tasty, healthy and safe recipes POO* PARADISE P**’enis BE*GAY |1| |2|
The ravaging effects of alcohol…
…after too many margaritas! …after 7 rum and cokes! …after 6 beers! …after 3 martinis! …after 3 kamikazes! …after 2 glasses of wine! …after 2 bottles of wine, (shared of course)! …after 1 large purple haze! …after 1 bottle of tequila! [featured image: Zhora – chimpanzee at a Russian zoo – is an alcoholic and…
Got a new dog…
We got a new guard dog to guard my house. He was a little more than I thought I should pay. But, I think when word gets out, we’ll be a relatively crime-free neighborhood. The nice part is he is only a year old and already fully trained. For your safety, you might want to…
A Hunting Story…
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up… The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?’ The doctor considered…
Man’s Survival Guide (continued)
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner. Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner. Third Date: You get to pay her rent. Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you. First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and…
Man’s Survival Guide
This could be used as an excellent educational tool. Let’s call it a “Man’s Survival Guide“ First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit. Third date: You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary…
Finally!….Solid Proof
I know that the world is NOT going to end in 2012 because Marty McFly travelled to 2015 Finally Solid Proof
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