A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear Dad, It…
Tag: funny
Why Sharks Circle….
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. “First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they…
My Very First Time…..
The sky was dark The moon was high All alone just she and I * Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what she wanted to do * Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine * I didn’t know how But I tried…
Mother of all Jihadist Jokes…
This is so tasteless but it cries out to be shared. Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting, having a plate of abouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing. “This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.” “Yes, I…
Little Johnny’s Sister…
Little Annie came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, “Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!” Before the mother could raise a concern, Annie went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.” Relaxing with a hidden smile, Annie’s mom asked, “Really small, was it?” Annie replied, “No…Salty.”
Little Johnny…
Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?” Johnny answered: “Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.”
Keep this in mind……
Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip… In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?” “Wait a moment,”…
Italian Grandma’s Advice…
A young Italian girl was going on a date. Her Nonna said: ‘Sita here ana letame tella you about this-a younga boy.’ ‘He’s agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don’t let him do dat.’ ‘He’s agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too, but don’ta let…
Irish Humor……
Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them stupid bastards because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.” Paddy says to Mick – “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going…
Beautiful Text…..
My wife being the romantic sort, just sent me a text…………. “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” I…
Golf Joke…..
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see…
Brainwashed….
IF YOU’RE BRAINWASHED AND YOU KNOW IT. CLAP YOUR HANDS. [that is if Obama has brainwashed you]
Blockage…
Obama blocked the Keystone pipeline which would create 30,000 + jobs and stimulus to hundreds of local businesses. Since Obama is anti business, a socialist who believes the government knows best and must control the means of production, he feels that the only way to stimulate the economy and win reelection in November is to…
Blonde in Church…..
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, ‘Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to…
baby names…..
Mary was pregnant when she was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she woke up and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically she asked the doctor about her baby. The doctor replied, “You had twins, a boy and a…
The Agony of Hearing Loss…
After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my hearing impaired friend. He was busy painting his penis with a black marker. I said to him, “You idiot! You’re supposed to turn your clock back!” (November 6th this year – monitor your hearing impaired male friends.)
An Inspirational Golf Story…
Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament. At first I said, “Naaahhh! I already play 3 times a week.” Then they said to me “Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind kids.” Then I thought… Shit, I could win this thing!!!
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