After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while … Then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.” She asks … “What does that mean?” He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.” She smiled…
Category: Humor
A Touching Christmas Story…
A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon. Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had “disappeared”. The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: “Where the hell are you?” Husband: “Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally…
A Bottle of Merlot…
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, ‘This is from the gentleman who is seated over there’…. and indicated the sender with a nod of…
3 old golfers….
Your daily laugh! Three golfers are walking down the fairway. “Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60 year old, “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.” “Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70 year old. “When you’re 70, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran,…
$280,000 MORTGAGE
THIS WAS VOTED THE BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2010 For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, ‘Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.’ The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with…
Think you’re having a bad day?
It could be worse. I don’t know how……….but it could be…… On second thought…….no it can’t be worse….. If you think you’re having a bad day, spare a thought for this poor fellow.
the recession…..
The Recession has hit everybody…… I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEOs are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife. If the bank returns your…
The New Miss Kentucky!
This picture will haunt her for the rest of her life, no doubt about it… Make-up and hair style ………………$500 New dress for the show ………………$700 Giant stuffed bear ……………………$300 Not knowing how to hold the bear with a cordless microphone in her hand …….. Priceless!!!
the last kiss…….
A Tough-Guy Legend… On May 9, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped. The leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says,…
the difference…..
One should always be prepared. So, if someone asks you what the main difference is between most of the Obama supporters and Romney supporters, instead of stammering, and stuttering, and looking for an answer, just tell them that the Romney supporters sign their checks on the front, and the Obama supporters sign their checks on…
road rage….
So anyway, I’m behind this prick who can’t fucking drive. Weaving all over the place and hasn’t got a fucking clue. I’m roaring, “You fucking Paki bastard, learn to drive!! And while you’re at it, why don’t you fuck off back to your own country you smelly prick.” You know what the cheeky bastard did?…
one liners — JOKES
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point. The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa! Who knew? One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells….
older men scam….
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it. A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco,…
my trip to the store…
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down facing me.” Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally…
Hillbilly striptease…
Cletus & Billy Bob Cletus is passing by Billy Bob’s hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor. Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of…
Handicapped parking…
Today I had to run to the grocery store. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for A parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a parking space in the handicap area. The driver looked puzzled. “I’m not handicapped,” she said. Well, was my face red. “Oh, sorry about that,…
dog and college…
A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money … he calls home. “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula that will teach our dog, Ole’ Blue how to talk!” “That’s amazing,”…
daughter (or son) talk…
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her…
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