Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst. But a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you having a go at it. Today is International Nutters Day. Please send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just as I’ve done. I don’t care…
Category: Humor
NOW this is “really” funny…..
The wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. She became more and more annoyed and finally said: “For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!”
Now that’s “REAL” Love….
Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined…
No Flu!!!….
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he…
Muslim Riots in Detroit…..
In the wake of Osama Bin Laden’s death, Muslims have gone on the rampage in Detroit killing anyone who’s Caucasian. Police fear the death toll could rise as high as 2.
Son’s Letter to Dad…
A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear Dad, It…
Why Sharks Circle….
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. “First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they…
My Very First Time…..
The sky was dark The moon was high All alone just she and I * Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what she wanted to do * Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine * I didn’t know how But I tried…
Mother of all Jihadist Jokes…
This is so tasteless but it cries out to be shared. Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting, having a plate of abouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing. “This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.” “Yes, I…
Little Johnny’s Sister…
Little Annie came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, “Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!” Before the mother could raise a concern, Annie went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.” Relaxing with a hidden smile, Annie’s mom asked, “Really small, was it?” Annie replied, “No…Salty.”
Little Johnny…
Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?” Johnny answered: “Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.”
Keep this in mind……
Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip… In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?” “Wait a moment,”…
Blonde Joke of the Day…..
A blonde phone call to Mom: “Hi Mom, it’s me.” “Hi Sally, are you okay? I thought you were with your father at the hardware store looking for a drill.” “Yeah, I was, but I got arrested and they’ve let me make one phone call and that’s why I’m calling you.” “Oh my god, what happened?” “Oh, I…
Italian Women…
An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian woman walking a dog on a…
Italian Grandma’s Advice…
A young Italian girl was going on a date. Her Nonna said: ‘Sita here ana letame tella you about this-a younga boy.’ ‘He’s agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don’t let him do dat.’ ‘He’s agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too, but don’ta let…
Irish Humor……
Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them stupid bastards because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.” Paddy says to Mick – “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going…
Husband, Wife & a Convict…
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of…
Hitman on the Golf Course…
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, ‘Do you mind if I join you, my partner didn’t turn up?’ ‘Sure,’ they said, ‘You’re welcome.’ So they started playing and enjoyed the game and…
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