My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that ….. 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. *** Man calls the police and says “I think my wife is dead!” The operator says, “How do you know?” He says “The sex is the same but…
Author: letvent
Resident on the third planet from the Sun. Looking for some small measure of levity in this mad, mad world. We all need a little brightness to counter the darkness around us. CALGON...take me away!
Bass Pro Shop Salesman…
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me…
A New Priest…
A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a…
A Blue Rose
Having four visiting family members, my wife was very busy, so I offered to go to the store for her to get some needed items which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags, detergent and Clorox. So off I went. I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies and headed for the checkout counter,…
5 Best Sentences…
Does any of this ring a bell for the current situation in Washington D.C.? These are possibly the 5 best sentences you’ll ever read: Unfortunately, most voters don’t know this. 1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity. 2. What one person receives without working for, another person…
How they vote in the United Nations!
Below are the actual voting records of various Arabic/Islamic States (all but India is an Arabic/Islamic State) which are recorded in both the US State Department and United Nations records: Kuwait votes against the United States 67% of the time. Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time. Morocco votes against the United…
How to say “I Love You”…
How to say ‘I love you’ in various languages… Afrikaans ——————————————————- Ek het jou lief Albanian —————————————————————— Te dua Arabic ————————————————- Ana behibak (to male) Arabic ———————————————– Ana behibek (to female) Armenian —————————————————– Yes kez sirumen Bambara —————————————————————— M’bi fe Bangla ————————————- Amee tuma ke bhalo baashee Belarusian —————————————————- Ya tabe kahayu Bisaya ———————————————- Nahigugma…
It is so hot in the Midwest that……
….the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground. ….the trees are whistling for the dogs. ….the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. ….hot water comes from both taps. ….you can make sun tea instantly. ….you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good…
Lawyer and the Senior Citizen
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants…
Lie Detector Robot…
Dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out on his son. “Son, where were you today?” The son says, “Watched a DVD at my friend’s house!” “What DVD?” “Toy Story!” The robot slaps the son! “Ok, it was a porno” cries the son “What! When…
MEDIA…
It’s been around but we need a reminder of our freedoms, and it’s costs. I hope this finds you all in good health and spirits. ————————- You’re a 19 year old kid. You’re critically wounded and dying in the jungle somewhere in the Central Highlands of Viet Nam. It’s November 11, 1967. LZ (landing zone)…
Onions and Christmas Trees!
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?’ The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs.’ ‘In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but…
Oops!
LIFE AFTER DEATH “DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?” THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES. “YES, SIR,” THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED. “WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE,” THE BOSS WENT ON. “AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU! ***************************************************** PALM SUNDAY …
Prayer for 2013!
Dear God, My prayer for 2013 is for a fat bank account & a thin body. Please don’t mix these up like you did last year. AMEN!
Senior Wedding……
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Chicago, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers,…
Should Christians Support Obama?……
This is an old article, but I believe it bears rereading……… This man was on Dr. Charles Stanley’s program “In Touch” as a guest speaker. I almost shouted “HALLELUJAH” when I finished reading. Forward or discard….it’s your choice. Dr. David Barton is more of a historian than a Biblical speaker, but very famous for his…
Square Testicles!!!
This is a joke that is supposed to bring you luck. An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money….
That Awkward Moment…..
Look well at the pictures before you read the captions at the bottom of each! It’s that awkward moment… …when you realize that your friend’s fat arm makes you look naked in the office party photo! …when you’re friend’s arm looks like your ass! …when you build a bridge and there are hundreds of dicks…
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