2 cows

TWO COWS

~
[Matthias Varga]

SOCIALISM

  • You have 2 cows.
  • You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM

  • You have 2 cows.
  • The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM

  • You have 2 cows.
  • The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM

  • You have 2 cows.
  • The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM

  • You have 2 cows.
  • The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

  • You have two cows.
  • You sell one and buy a bull.
  • Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
  • You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND
(VENTURE CAPITALISM)

  • You have two cows.
  • You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
  • The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
  • The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
  • You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
  • No balance sheet provided with the release.
  • The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM

  • You have two giraffes.
  • The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
  • Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
  • You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
  • You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a “Cowkimona” and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
  • You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

  • You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
  • You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You have 300 people milking them.
  • You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
  • You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

  • Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
  • You tell them that you have none.
  • No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
  • You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • Business seems pretty good.
  • You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

  • You have two cows.
  • The one on the left looks very attractive…
Advertisements

4 thoughts on “2 cows

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s