After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local…
Tag: humor
remember your glasses…..
Yesterday, my wife asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time. She suggested I go to the VFW and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said “Are you nuts? You’re over 60 years…
Pray for Leroy….
The preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.” With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, “Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?” Leroy replied, “Preacher, I need you to…
police interviews…..
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?” The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down,…
A Cup of Tea…..
ONLY A GRANDMOTHER WOULD KNOW… ~A Cup of Tea ~ One day my Gramma was out, and my Grampa was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys. Grampa was in the living…
Old Guys…
I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend: “That’s us in 10 years.” He said, “That’s a mirror, dip-stick!”
nutter’s day…
Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst. But a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you having a go at it. Today is International Nutters Day. Please send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just as I’ve done. I don’t care…
NOW this is “really” funny…..
The wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. She became more and more annoyed and finally said: “For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!”
Now that’s “REAL” Love….
Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined…
No Flu!!!….
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he…
Muslim Riots in Detroit…..
In the wake of Osama Bin Laden’s death, Muslims have gone on the rampage in Detroit killing anyone who’s Caucasian. Police fear the death toll could rise as high as 2.
Son’s Letter to Dad…
A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear Dad, It…
Why Sharks Circle….
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. “First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they…
My Very First Time…..
The sky was dark The moon was high All alone just she and I * Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what she wanted to do * Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine * I didn’t know how But I tried…
Mother of all Jihadist Jokes…
This is so tasteless but it cries out to be shared. Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting, having a plate of abouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing. “This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.” “Yes, I…
Little Johnny’s Sister…
Little Annie came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, “Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!” Before the mother could raise a concern, Annie went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.” Relaxing with a hidden smile, Annie’s mom asked, “Really small, was it?” Annie replied, “No…Salty.”
Little Johnny…
Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?” Johnny answered: “Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.”
Keep this in mind……
Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip… In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?” “Wait a moment,”…
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