Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.” The man from British Columbia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on….
Author: letvent
Resident on the third planet from the Sun. Looking for some small measure of levity in this mad, mad world. We all need a little brightness to counter the darkness around us. CALGON...take me away!
Brain Study
I’ve seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I’ve seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind. You can forget about Alzheimers. 7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!…
Blonde in Church…..
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, ‘Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to…
Best Quote of the Decade–from the Czech Republic
Some people have the vocabulary to sum up things in a way you can understand them. This quote came from the Czech Republic. Someone over there has it figured out. We have a lot of work to do. This quote was translated into English from an article appearing in the Czech Republic as published in…
baby names…..
Mary was pregnant when she was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she woke up and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically she asked the doctor about her baby. The doctor replied, “You had twins, a boy and a…
At the Cemetery…..
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old, pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing them. ‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,’ said…
The Agony of Hearing Loss…
After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my hearing impaired friend. He was busy painting his penis with a black marker. I said to him, “You idiot! You’re supposed to turn your clock back!” (November 6th this year – monitor your hearing impaired male friends.)
An Inspirational Golf Story…
Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament. At first I said, “Naaahhh! I already play 3 times a week.” Then they said to me “Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind kids.” Then I thought… Shit, I could win this thing!!!
Ahhh – memories!…
I’m older than dirt! Someone asked the other day, ‘What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?’ ‘We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,’ I informed him. ‘All the food was slow.’ ‘C’mon, seriously. Where did you eat?’ ‘It was a place called ‘at home!’ I explained. ‘Mum cooked…
ABCDEFGHIJK…
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while … Then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.” She asks … “What does that mean?” He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.” She smiled…
A Touching Christmas Story…
A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon. Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had “disappeared”. The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: “Where the hell are you?” Husband: “Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally…
A Bottle of Merlot…
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, ‘This is from the gentleman who is seated over there’…. and indicated the sender with a nod of…
13 things your burglar won’t tell you
1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator. 2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a…
3 old golfers….
Your daily laugh! Three golfers are walking down the fairway. “Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60 year old, “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.” “Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70 year old. “When you’re 70, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran,…
$280,000 MORTGAGE
THIS WAS VOTED THE BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2010 For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, ‘Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.’ The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with…
Thomas Jefferson’s resume…..
A History Lesson…. Who was Thomas Jefferson?: Cliff note version Thomas Jefferson was a very remarkable man who started learning very early in life and never stopped. At 5, began studying under his cousins tutor. At 9, studied Latin, Greek and French. At 14, studied classical literature and additional languages. At 16, entered the College…
Think you’re having a bad day?
It could be worse. I don’t know how……….but it could be…… On second thought…….no it can’t be worse….. If you think you’re having a bad day, spare a thought for this poor fellow.
the recession…..
The Recession has hit everybody…… I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEOs are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife. If the bank returns your…
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