RULES for Dating MY Daughter!

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot…

Oprah and the Obama’s

Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.” Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very happy.” Michelle added,…

Hitman on the Golf Course…

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, ‘Do you mind if I join you, my partner didn’t turn up?’ ‘Sure,’ they said, ‘You’re welcome.’ So they started playing and enjoyed the game and…

Golf Joke…..

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see…

Donations for Congress…..

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing Is moving…. Suddenly, a man knocks on the car window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped Congress and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom! Otherwise,they are going to douse them…

It is so hot in the Midwest that……

….the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground. ….the trees are whistling for the dogs. ….the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. ….hot water comes from both taps. ….you can make sun tea instantly. ….you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good…