My wife being the romantic sort, just sent me a text…………. “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” I…
Category: Humor
Growing up without a cell phone…
If you are 36, or older, you might think this is hilarious! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning….Uphill… Barefoot…BOTH ways….yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising…
Goodbye……
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegal’s) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home. I started to cry when I thought of you….
Golf Joke…..
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see…
Brainwashed….
IF YOU’RE BRAINWASHED AND YOU KNOW IT. CLAP YOUR HANDS. [that is if Obama has brainwashed you]
Blockage…
Obama blocked the Keystone pipeline which would create 30,000 + jobs and stimulus to hundreds of local businesses. Since Obama is anti business, a socialist who believes the government knows best and must control the means of production, he feels that the only way to stimulate the economy and win reelection in November is to…
Presidential Cars…
If you like cars, this is kind of cool . . . President Truman in the Lincoln made for President Roosevelt President Eisenhower in 1953 El Dorado 1950 Lincoln with first bubble top – Eisenhower’s idea 1961 Continental X100 – Kennedy was shot in this vehicle 1972 Lincoln – Nixon, Ford, Carter and Reagan 1983…
God loves drunk people too!!!
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the…
Getting a Shave!……
George W Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one…
Donations for Congress…..
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing Is moving…. Suddenly, a man knocks on the car window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped Congress and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom! Otherwise,they are going to douse them…
Canadian Christmas Joke…
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.” The man from British Columbia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on….
Blonde in Church…..
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, ‘Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to…
baby names…..
Mary was pregnant when she was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she woke up and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically she asked the doctor about her baby. The doctor replied, “You had twins, a boy and a…
At the Cemetery…..
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old, pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing them. ‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,’ said…
The Agony of Hearing Loss…
After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my hearing impaired friend. He was busy painting his penis with a black marker. I said to him, “You idiot! You’re supposed to turn your clock back!” (November 6th this year – monitor your hearing impaired male friends.)
An Inspirational Golf Story…
Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament. At first I said, “Naaahhh! I already play 3 times a week.” Then they said to me “Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind kids.” Then I thought… Shit, I could win this thing!!!
Ahhh – memories!…
I’m older than dirt! Someone asked the other day, ‘What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?’ ‘We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,’ I informed him. ‘All the food was slow.’ ‘C’mon, seriously. Where did you eat?’ ‘It was a place called ‘at home!’ I explained. ‘Mum cooked…
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