No Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken…

RULES for Dating MY Daughter!

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot…

Thai Custom

HOW DID I LIVE ALL THESE YEARS  WITHOUT KNOWING THIS? THE KINGDOM OF THAILAND I’ll bet you never knew this!!! In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of 18 they had to participate in the following community ceremony: They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward. …

Scottish Humor…

New Antiseptic It’s not only the English who have a sense of humor. The Scots do as well! This cartoon originated in Scotland. It looks like most of the world is laughing at our nation’s leadership! How sad that the world is laughing at the United States, while we sit by and watch and wonder…

The $50.00 Lesson

I recently asked my friends’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there. So I asked her, “If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?” She replied,…

Rules for Online Dating!!!

Rule #1   Always ask for a photo. Rule # 2 Always ask for more than one photo. THIS CONCLUDES YOUR TRAINING FOR TODAY…THANK YOU!

SEAHAWKS Football Tickets for SALE!!!

Regrettably I am going to have to sell my Seahawk season football tickets this year. My wife does not like the person that sits beside her. These tickets will be sold to the highest bidder. I have attached a picture of the view from these great seats. I am going to miss going to the…

The 11th Husband of a Virgin

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a Virgin“.  “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to…

the cow, the ant & the old fart…

A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them. The cow said, “I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!” The ant said, “I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my…

the definition of insanity…

“FATHOM THE HYPOCRISY OF A GOVERNMENT THAT REQUIRES EVERY CITIZEN TO PROVE THEY ARE INSURED ….. BUT NOT EVERYONE MUST PROVE THEY ARE A CITIZEN.” “AND NOW, ANY OF THOSE WHO REFUSE, OR ARE UNABLE TO PROVE THEY ARE CITIZENS WILL RECEIVE FREE INSURANCE PAID FOR BY THOSE WHO ARE FORCED TO BUY INSURANCE BECAUSE…

The Economy Is Affecting A Lot Of Things!

HERE’S A NEW SIGN FOR YOUR FRONT DOOR!!! DUE TO THE PRICE INCREASE ON AMMO —— DO NOT EXPECT A WARNING SHOT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING HOPE THIS HELPS DURING TIMES OF DIFFICULTY!!

The Farmer’s Donkey

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his…

Family Lives Without Money and Thrives!?!?

Family Lives Without Money—By Choice—and Thrives By Beth Greenfield Fellmer with Alma Lucia, left, and Nieves Palmer. Photo courtesy of Raphael Fellmer. A Berlin family of three has been living on practically nothing but love and the goodwill of others for more than two years and counting—not as a victims of the rough economy, but…

Facts that will Blow your Mind!

Twin sisters are born and are completely different races. ♥ 21-year-old Kylie Hodgson of Nottingham, England, is half-black, half-white. So’s her partner, 19-year-old Remi Horder. Back in 2006, they conceived twins. And when the twin girls were born, one was black… and one was white. Remee is blonde and white; Kian is black. Since both…

Dealing with Depression!

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 8 oz….

Forget About Chick-fil-A

Forget about Chick-fil-A and the cows telling you to eat more chicken! For your safety, eat more pork! l bet a cup of coffee you already know who you will pass this on to because it is just too good not to.

Doggy!

Very curious, She named him Dick! My sausage dog is actually a penis dog.

Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President: During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and who chatted on a…