dog and college…

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money … he calls home. “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula that will teach our dog, Ole’ Blue how to talk!” “That’s amazing,”…

daughter (or son) talk…

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her…

Copper Wire…

—– Gotta love those Texans! After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in…

circumcised!

For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken literally…….. ‘Circumcised’ (This is priceless!) A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.…

chuckles…

About 6-year old brains… A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may…

Brighten your day!!!

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that ….. 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. *** Man calls the police and says “I think my wife is dead!” The operator says, “How do you know?” He says “The sex is the same but…

Bass Pro Shop Salesman…

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me…

A New Priest…

A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a…

A Blue Rose

Having four visiting family members, my wife was very busy, so I offered to go to the store for her to get some needed items which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags, detergent and Clorox. So off I went. I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies and headed for the checkout counter,…

5 Best Sentences…

Does any of this ring a bell for the current situation in Washington D.C.? These are possibly the 5 best sentences you’ll ever read: Unfortunately, most voters don’t know this. 1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity. 2. What one person receives without working for, another person…

How they vote in the United Nations!

Below are the actual voting records of various Arabic/Islamic States (all but India is an Arabic/Islamic State) which are recorded in both the US State Department and United Nations records: Kuwait votes against the United States 67% of the time. Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time. Morocco votes against the United…

How to say “I Love You”…

How to say ‘I love you’ in various languages… Afrikaans ——————————————————- Ek het jou lief Albanian —————————————————————— Te dua Arabic ————————————————- Ana behibak (to male) Arabic ———————————————– Ana behibek (to female) Armenian —————————————————– Yes kez sirumen Bambara —————————————————————— M’bi fe Bangla ————————————- Amee tuma ke bhalo baashee Belarusian —————————————————- Ya tabe kahayu Bisaya ———————————————- Nahigugma…

It is so hot in the Midwest that……

….the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground. ….the trees are whistling for the dogs. ….the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. ….hot water comes from both taps. ….you can make sun tea instantly. ….you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good…

Lawyer and the Senior Citizen

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants…